tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27852676532729428042024-02-18T22:52:48.768-08:00life after Alfiecoping with stillbirth, subsequent pregnancies and parenting after a loss.......my means of survival, my ode to Alfie, my wee man.clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.comBlogger256125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-77406721464422585202013-08-10T14:06:00.003-07:002013-08-10T14:06:42.789-07:00sentimental summerWhat an awesome summer we have had.<br />
The amazing glorious sun has made life so much sweeter, and subsequently I've felt that life feels full of possibilities. This may be due to Pugs starting work as a fully qualified nurse!!!!! All those months of hard slog for all of us has paid off. I have gained a small (temporary) promotion at work, moving into pupil support which I am both terrified and excited about.<br />
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Archie my darling starts school in a few days time.....such mixed emotions. I know in many ways he will thrive, he is a sponge for info and loves facts and knowledge, his catch phrase this summer has been " tell me everything you know about - insert any random topic - mummy". He does however struggle doing things he isn't interested of. My main worry is whether he will make pals, I know he is adorable, but of course I want everyone else to also. He is pretty full on and enthusiastic and not your run of the mill wee man, I know he'll sort it out himself, yet nevertheless it is hard.<br />
We did have some breakthroughs this summer, Archie gave up his tata and after few weeks of me having to help him to sleep we cracked it with audio books, in particular fantastic Mr fox. Mini no longer gets her tata out the house which has been easy.<br />
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Mainly we have been beaching, day tripping, parking, swimming a lot! Lunching, snuggling, having long breakfasts, picking strawberries and making jam, playing with wee pals and cousins<br />
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We had a fantastic week glamping in a safari tent living with chickens, ducks, lambs and rabbits, cooking outdoors and running on the sand.<br />
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We had our last ever swim in kirkcaldy pool as a family, such sentimental swimming, we spent a huge chunk of our lives in that pool. I swam my 5ks there, I swam with Alfie there, I trained for 100's of miles over the last 35 years. it will be amazing to have a new clean pool, but it was sad to say goodbye.......<br />
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At the beginning of summer is was so eager to make sure we did stuff, even writing a list. I quickly realised that spending time with family is and friends was what I needed, the kids and me together just being was more important than going rushing around, what they want is me, even if it is just a evening walk to the supermarket and a wee chat along the way. I must remember for future holidays it is the simple act of being together is what matters.<br />
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Shit I miss my kids when I'm working. Looking forward to our next phase on our crazy wee journey.clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-74206458254527020562012-12-31T15:42:00.004-08:002012-12-31T15:42:56.162-08:00struggling (again!, I hear you all collectively moan)I've so missed blogging, at nights as I lay beside the weeones as the drift of into sleep next to me I write posts in my head - it helps me formulate my emotions and daily reflections.<br />
So, for my own benefit I'm gonna try again to make a commitment to write weekly over the next year. Not sure what I want to focus on yet, probably my usual mish mash of nonsense.<br />
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As I sit alone, a new year approaching I am trying not to invest too much emotion in the time nor date. I've turned the tv off to avoid festivities. Pugs has been ill since he finished uni (Finished uni, yai one of the awesome events of the year, and one I am so proud of - he worked his ass off this last year, I spent many a family events minus my husband and way too many sat nights alone, while he worked away) - Momo has broken her Achilles, and mum and dad are out of action now.....so my usual hogmany companions are otherwise engaged this year.<br />
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As I consider myself an optimistic person, I find this current extreme blue phase out of character and tedious. To paraphrase Miss Golightly the blues are bad, but we know why we are down - the mean reds are much worse, they suck....one feels down with no obvious explanation.<br />
I have been swinging between the two for too long.<br />
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The struggle between, working fulltime, being a present, balanced and caring parent, wife, friend, daughter is not an easy one for me. My Dad's progress is very limited to say the least and is my prime concern and contribution to my blues.....gosh it is so difficult. I miss my dad, I miss my mum and watching their daily struggle is too painful. My tears so very close to the surface and I find them slipping out more often than I feel comfortable with.<br />
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My darling wee ones are the salvation - every day they fill me with joy and laughter, their banter is hysterical right now - I love their company and feel overwhelmed with love every morning when they snuggle into bed next to us. <br />
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And so to conclude - this year has been shit - no point pretending. That is not to say some lovely things have happened - but sadly my Dad's stroke and the repercussions of it have overshadowed everything. As I attempt to maintain my optimistic nature I hope for a brighter future, however, even I can't seem to see a way through it..........other than to get used to our new way of life.<br />
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Struggle seems to have been my catchphrase of 2012 - I hope 2013 brings the opposite and our lives are filled with ease instead. So a weekly post celebrating the things I am grateful for might help bring some comfort........wish us luck xxx<br />
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<br />clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-39086218203814776762012-11-14T13:25:00.001-08:002012-11-14T13:25:15.620-08:00Another year further on.....x<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Strange to think that the last 5 years have been the hardest and yet the sweetest. We have come along way, and yet the further we have come the further I am from Alfie. That pretty much sums up our bittersweet situation.<br />
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We did however, have a lovely day - took beautiful flowers to Alfie's grave, the kids took balloons - gorgeous red and purple with wee heart balloons attached. I shed a tear or few when I saw the kids, especially wee Pegster.....the innocence, is heartbreaking - my 2 are way too informed and au fait with death and the grave yard is pedestrian to them. The cakes at Loch Levens Larder were as lush as usual, as was the company. The kids were great, shame it was awful weather, the day Alfie died it was a gorgeous sunny autumnal day. Monday was grim and grizzly, didn't stop our lot - out playing in the rain.<br />
My mum always has a mass said for Alfie, as I never go to mass nor believe in any form of afterlife I go for my mums sake......This year I was way more emotional, I think because for the 1st time I had to spend the day hiding my tears from the kids, previously they have been unaware of my emotional state. It was so healthy to let go, and allow the tears to fall, I had a small pool sitting in the valley of my neck.<br />
Pug and I watched a movie and had some quiet time in the eve, it felt good to just be together.<br />
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I spent tue in an exhausted fog, I always find the aftermath way harder - tears so close to the surface. Luckily the kids were in nursery so I slept loads, and hung out in the house avoiding anyone other than Pugs....licking my wounds and navel gazing. I went for run at the time Alfie was born, it was pissing down I was soaking and it was dark - I spent the whole run remembering him in my arms. So glad I ran, more time for 'us'.<br />
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One of the lovely things about the day was my dad's awareness I was dreading him having no idea what was going on, he was however on the ball. He even managed to write our card with his left hand.......different tears.<br />
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My beautiful wee man, another year over - yet your presence is still felt and far reaching. Archie talks of you often and both him and Sadie look in your box regularly. Never forgotten my 1st boy, my forever baby xxxxclarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-58503576977483554642012-11-11T12:08:00.000-08:002012-11-11T12:08:07.780-08:00lost count....Don't even know how many days it has been since I posted.<br />
I've missed writing, posting photos and keeping track of our lives, however in the main life has been pretty tough, truth be told. <br />
I really didn't want to document for our future a crappy phase, that said I can't let my wee mans anniversary pass without writing.<br />
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Not sure why 5 years seems so significant, why it should be any harder than any other. I have felt pretty fragile for a a few weeks, however tonight I feel numb. I'm exhausted and in many ways I am relishing the prospect of having a day to feel down legitimately, how hellishly self indulgent.<br />
In some ways I miss Alfie more as time moves on, the harsh pain of loss has gone, now the constant shadow of how my life would have been is what I live with.<br />
I also query now whether, I should be feeling so emotional at this stage? I'm sure a number of people will judge me over the next few days - I'm calling in to work tomorrow. The prospect of teaching kids and being under that level of stress is too much. I want to spend a day in peace with our living kids, holding them close and thinking of their big brother. We are going to take flowers to the cemetery, the kids are taking balloons and then we are going for cake and a walk as a family.<br />
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This time 5 years ago Pug and I were having dinner with my Antony and Kirsty, I was massive and so uncomfortable. 37+4 weeks pregnant and just 'waiting'. I had a few tightenings over the eve and was quietly becoming excited - little did I know it would be the last night of my life as I was to know it. Life has now become pre and post Alfie.....sigh xxx<br />
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Not a day goes by without thinking of you sweetheart, my heart is bigger and stronger than I ever imagined possible, thanks for that wee man xxx<br />
<br />clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-60360559766287336122012-09-09T13:10:00.001-07:002012-09-09T23:24:16.100-07:00257-263 quiet week, friends and family time, lovely.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We have had a mellow week, lots of time for cuddles and napping together, hmmm actually I just keep falling asleep in the kids bed at night. Which is so cosy, especially when Archie tells me as he is falling asleep 'your my heart mummy, I love you' - gosh wee man I couldn't have said it better myself.<br />
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Yesterday I spent the day with the kids visiting Grandma Granda for lunch. We had a great time, for the 1st time I left the kids with them and popped down the town for 20mins and it was a success.Dad is steadily improving, he does seem to understand more of what we are saying, although more asking him to do something rather than chat. I still catch myself sometimes forgetting he isn't who he was and become overwhelmed with sadness. My lovely dad, I miss him.<br />
My mum is coping, I must say again for the record how amazing she is, not only is she taking amazing care of my dad she is also totally supporting his rehab......her teacher instinct i think. On top of all of that, she is also picking me up from work, picking up the kids from nursery, picking up shopping for us during the week - what a legend.<br />
Talking of legends (must be genetic) we also visited with GG who we haven't had a chance to see for weeks, another lovely blether, sweeties for the bairns and more cuddles. She was full of her usual chat and chuffed to see the wee ones.<br />
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We also had the pleasure of Andrew this week doing a wee stint at wrap around care - what a pleasure, he occupied the kids so well I actually got the dinner made without either of them screaming, pulling at my skirt, battering each other or any other major meltdowns, he is welcome anytime. He is the master Thomas track engineer and a hero in Archie's eyes<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">sheer joy to a wee man</td></tr>
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Friday night the kids a lovely new treat from a friend from work, Archie loved the map of Australia in the back of Possum Magic and Mini loved the food in both of them. Adorable books and such kindness form a great woman.</div>
clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-9487182629075217192012-09-02T13:31:00.005-07:002012-09-02T13:42:06.216-07:00243-256 phew we made it - so farWell somethings got to give - here's the list<br />
starting with - My sanity! closely followed by sleep, kid time, time alone, sewing (whats that) knitting and running. Gutted gutted I never did the 10K, I've been harping on about it for months - 8 to be precise, it was my goal for the year. Never mind, en route I have managed to run regularly enough that I miss it if I can't fit a run in, hence daily lunchtime visits to the school gym treadmill.<br />
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I have had little to post about other than the daily grind. Yesterday Momo and I took the kids to fife animal park, they loved it. Baby meerkats feeding from mama was a big hit with Sadie and Archie loved a wee deer that he wanted to take home for a pet.<br />
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Afterwards we went to pillars of Hercules, love it there, always feel relaxed and happy whilst visiting. Even more excited to see they are offering semi wild camping now, bonus. Sadie 'luffs' doggies, Pillars is always a good spot to meet new doggie pals.<br />
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I'm doing skirtember again this year. I figure it will be nice to have a month of frivolous posting......I wonder if I look much different from last year, I bloody hope so after all the running.clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-17507760716420113902012-08-20T13:05:00.002-07:002012-08-20T13:05:36.292-07:00236-242 Yikes, Baptism of firewhat a hellish week, I returned to work on monday pretty keyed, was mucked around all day and finally at 3.30pm was told that my request to go pt was rejected - for now! what, we had no childcare in place for the end of the week, I was so upset - tears, rage, cuddles - sigh, rains but pours comes to mind.<br />
I did manage however by wed to have settled down, dusted myself down and accepted that I may have to be a full time working mum.<br />
All this has only been possible (in the manner of Oscar acceptance speech!) because once again our amazing family friends have stepped up.<br />
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The kids are really struggling wee lambs, Sadie follows me around constantly needing held, Archie is just exhausted and by Thursday was asking for a lazy day - Hmmm I wish son. I was on my knees by friday aft - no weekend rock n roll for us.<br />
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An awesome day was had by all, we spent the am doing housework stuff, such pleasure in making a pot of coffee and relaxing whilst pottering around the house and garden. The kids were so happy playing and relaxing. We spent the aft in the park, Momo took us. So peaceful, we walked and Archie rode his bike, we stopped at a bench and had a wee snack whilst looking out over the water, no rushing to be anywhere, the perfect antidote to a week of rushing every waking minute.<br />
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Sunday at the beach, just lovely. Costa coffee, digging, almond croissant, crabs, sea stars, worms, rock pools, new friends, sunshine, paddling - we all felt like we were back on holiday.<br />
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I have no idea how long I will have to be full time at work, I am trying to remain positive about the situation. Everyone keeps telling me that the kids will get used to it. I am aware they will, however I am also aware their getting used to 'it' is essentially them getting used to being without me. I want them to be independent but maybe no quite yet, sniff sniff.<br />
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xxxclarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-61728136304787015892012-08-12T11:59:00.001-07:002012-08-12T12:00:15.366-07:00232-35 last precious days of summer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This last few days have been lovely, albeit filled with concern over my return to work. I have tried to push it to the back of my mind and until today have done pretty well......<br />
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Thursday we went to Edinburgh to let the kids see the madness of the festival, and mad it was! Try getting down the high st with 2 exhausted children a pram and not get annoyed with the enthusiasm of the performers thrusting flyers into my face, deep breathe and relax!!! Actually considering the hectiness of it, we had a really lovely day. St Andrews sq was a big hit, sandpit and east links farm, so both Sadie and Archie were happy, sand and tractors what a combo.<br />
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We met Auntie Iny in the gardens, then walked round castle terrace to the high st - Archie fascinated by the castle, Sadie a little overwhelmed.<br />
Then a stop for a cuppa at Saint Arbucks...mmmm I know on some levels I shouldn't love it but I do, my total guilty pleasure, blended decaf carmel mm mmm so glad we don't have one in kdy.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Archie enjoying his hot choc, the offending article in the foreground and Auntie Iny's cheeky wee Pimms.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We, planted Kale for winter soup.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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We had our last visit on Friday to Busy Bee's - tomorrow the kids are totally flying solo - after the visit we went to Momo's - Archie and Momo mowed the lawn, and washed the car - He loves helping, I love that he is kept busy.....<br />
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Sadie and I enjoyed hanging out in the sun - Yes she does have her legs inside my top, that girl wants to be a 'wee joey' all the day long.<br />
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I am so apprehensive about returning to work the morn, I know in a few weeks we will be rolling with the sitch, but right now it feels exhausting. Shit, I'm no the only working mum and I am only doing 2.5 days, but it seems massive right now. I am reminded of <a href="http://lifeafteralfie.blogspot.co.uk/2011/08/lists.html" target="_blank">last</a> year at this time when I returned to work.<br />
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So this years lists.<br />
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Sadie.<br />
My darling girl how you've grown. From a few words to non stop chatter.<br />
1. Mummy 'why did you.....e.g. throw that on the floor'. Sadie 'Cause I am'<br />
2. You still lvoe mummies boobies more than anything in your whole world.<br />
3. You use mummies behaviour tactics with Archie... Sadie 'get up Archie, I count 1, 2, 3,'<br />
4. Your hair looks like Muffin Mclays in the morning and you smell awesome when you wake up.<br />
5. You insist your name is Sadie Moocher.<br />
6. You love all things sparkly<br />
7. Strawberries are you favourite food.<br />
8. You don't have to wear a nappy anymore during the day<br />
9 You call strawberry milk 'charlie milk' and have to help me make it every morning <br />
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Archie<br />
My beautiful son, your sheer joy from the world brings me daily pleasure.<br />
1. From a boy who said a few words last year at this time, you seriously never stop talking. Last night you asked me to sing you to sleep to stop your brain from asking questions....I hope this means your gonna be a smart cookie.<br />
2. You love all things diggers and trains, so much so I might even go to diggerland Durham for a holiday! <br />
3. You look like Hairy Maclary all day with your mad crazy scruffy hair.<br />
4. You are so kind, I love catching you helping you sister out, even if you want to 'get rid of Sadie, because she doesn't follow the rules' - this from my freewheeling free spirited son Hmmmm<br />
5. You love Pizza, hot dogs and cheese - most of all ice cream and sweeties.<br />
6. Bob the builder and danger diggers at work are your fave TV shows.<br />
7. Mrs Ewan from nursery is your best friend and you want to marry her.<br />
8. You want to see daddy at a gig.<br />
9. you still love to stroke mummy to go to sleep at night.<br />
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And finally, my never forgotten wee'st man Alfie. In a few days time you would be starting school, I very rarely go down the route of what you would be doing, school is a biggie not to be missed. As each year passes you are still remembered, most recently your brother is fascinated by your and saddened that he doesn't have a brother to play with....... your always in my thoughts wee man, I will think of you and imagine a wee curly haired boy off to school on Tue morning...kisses from mumma <br />
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<br />clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-1877369384981637002012-08-08T13:43:00.000-07:002012-08-08T13:43:51.405-07:00231 -glorious sunshine....inside and outWe had a lovely day today.<br />
The amazing sun and the warmth it brings has such a positive affect on us all. The kids were so happy pottering about in the garden, Archie wanted a 'lazy day', I did manage however to persuade him to go to nursery. We had the most lovely walk round, Archie took his tractor and managed to ride it most of the way there and Sadie wanted to walk. I wised I'd taken my camera she looked so adorable trotting along with her backpack on, our neighbour commented that it looked like a parachute it was so big on her. Mini spent the whole journey saying 'my school is busy bees', she is so grown up and independent it frightens me, where has my wee one gone?<br />
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Archie asked again this morning about his brother and where we put him, so as it was such a gorgeous day we all went up to the grave. Pugs, myself, the kids and mum and dad all went, we left beautiful sunflowers for Alfie and brought one home for us to remind us of him when we are away from him. I sat on the grass in front of the stone with Archie on my lap and explained that Alfie was below us, but is was only his bones left, Grandma showed him Alfie's name on the stone and pointed out that they have the same second name. He seemed pretty mellow about it, he did ask on the way there if we were digging him up!!! Luckily he forgot all about that request once at the cemetery.<br />
A moment filled with such mixed emotions, I did have a wee tear in my eye as we sat there, so so so grateful, beyond words to be holding my lovely boy, feeling his warmth the smell of his hair and listening to his nonsense chatter and yer overwhelmed with sadness that I never got the chance to know Alfie, that as time goes on I feel sad in a empty feeble way. I know some people will disagree with the way we raise our kids and of course it is all coloured by the loss of our first born, yes I probably do indulge them emotionally more than I should, but can anyone love a child too much! As for our way of including Alfie and making him a part of our family, I feel we have the balance right. I am always firm with Archie that we are not sad anymore, and that we have him and Sadie to love...I don't want the kids to grow up in the shadow of an older dead sibling, however I do feel it is important that they understand the cycle of life. Shit, I always remember thinking that losing a pet was such a great experience for kids, one less thing I have to worry about since our experienced death from the get go - I hope it only increases their emotional abilities and makes them rounder warmer and more compassionate individuals - One can always dream for the best for their children.clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-35882248437119594672012-08-07T14:20:00.001-07:002012-08-07T14:28:08.180-07:00229-230 calm after another storm<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is what I needed, actually it is what we both needed. Archie in his 'natural' habitat.<br />
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After Sunday's emotional eve and another hellish bedtime drama, both Archie and I were shattered and tense on monday morning - Yikes, not a good combo.<br />
We went as has been our holiday routine to just kiddin - an ideal place for the kids to run around and for me to try and grab a cuppa and a blether with pals. Oh no, not today. Archie was nip nip nippy from getting up and by the time we reached JK he was high hyper hypedog! I caught him pushing a wee girl over on the bouncy castle, he got a row and was told to apologise - at which point some otehr mother said he'd been hitting two other kids. Phew, I should have read the signs and left- but no, overtired and tense I gave him a wee cuddle talked about behaving well and then stupidly encouraged him to go chase Oliver on the play structure, he went belting off and pushed his way past all the other kids, I could see he was grabbing Sadie to get her out the way and was enroute to try and diffuse sitch, when some woman shouted to one of the employees - "sort it out, that he's bullying all the other" bairns! Oh Oh Lady, you picked the wrong mum on the wrong day - It's his sister I'll deal with it......I then took Archie away - well grabbed him by arm and frogmarched him past all other tables of glaring mums (that is the response they wanted isn't it? I really wanted to hug him and say what's up wee man, how come your being so mean - its no like you), I shouted at the woman 'I think bullying is taking it a bit far' so not like me to be confrontational, but hackles up and hating anyone saying that about my boy I couldn't stop myself. I am the first to admit he is a wee nutter, he gets hugely overexcited and when tired can be nothing short of annoying, however Bullying at 3yrs old come one, he was pushing other kids not holding them up in a corner and punching them...... I cried when I got to my folks house, i hated my reaction to her and I hated that I let Archie down and didn't read the signs.....<br />
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So, today my wonderful pal Susan bundled us all in her car and drove us to Bee craigs country park - one word awesome.<br />
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The kids loved it, I loved it - fresh air, woods, water an amazing playground, picnics good chat and crochet in the car, BLISS.<br />
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Thanks Susan, your a star - xxx<br />
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Archie and I had a fascinating chat this am about where Alfie's skin was. He has obviously been thinking about it and made the connection that if he is dead an no longer here then his body must be somewhere. I explained to him about Alfie being buried, I take him to the grave regularly to leave flowers and tidy up but I have never explained in detail about Alfie's body......to be truthful it is something I struggled with initially. I can handle the dry bones idea - which is what I told Archie, however I do struggle with the decomp stage. For a long time I couldn't settle when there knowing he was underneath me......as I say the bones don't freak me out, so I am much easier with it now.<br />
Archie seemed to be ok with our chat, poor guy I wonder how much time he spends dwelling on it and whether he is bothered by it or not, he seems pretty matter of fact about it all - wish I could say the same.clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-69299467376900395242012-08-05T14:54:00.001-07:002012-08-05T14:58:05.144-07:00227 + 228 stormy sundayYikes the rain today has been crazy, stormy apocalyptic at one point. We were driving and Archie started chatting about badgers coming out.......realised it was because he thought it was night time, it was actually about the midday!<br />
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We had planned to go pick berries at Craigies after a wee trip to the carbootie, rain put paid to those plans, so we went to Ikea. We did manage a wee quick nip round the carboot first. Happy days, Archie got a wee polly pocket Thomas the tank equivalent, Sadie got an awesome senorita dressing up outfit with matching red and black polkadot shoes and I got 3 wee 60's storage tins and an amazing 50's 'arab' doll...with burka!<br />
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My dad has made a huge move forward, well I think so anyways - he went to the bank yesterday, yes it is still a regular occurrence, so much so the woman in the bank are now very much aware of the situation. Back to the point, Dad was asking the woman for something and she said sorry not sure what you mean Mr Strachan can you write it down and he did! He wrote £60 debit on a bit paper and handed it to her. Phew, the 1st time since his stroke he has tried to communicate in writing - if we can get him to use this tool more often life would be so much easier for both him and mum. Most of the issues are due to him becoming irritated about not doing what he wants and poor mum getting upset trying to work out what he wants. I saw her in action again on fri and once again I am in awe of her love and commitment to my dad. Such an inspiration.....must remember that when I'm bitching at Pugs for no cleaning up the hoose!<br />
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Emotional storms tonight also, the kids and I had an unsettled bedtime. Every now and then Archie mentions Alfie and we have a wee chat. Tonight he was asking the usual questions - why did he die, did he get any food, will he come back, can I be his new brother etc...I thought I might let the pair of them see inside his memory box. The box sits next to my bed, not I may add for any sentimental reason, simply because I have never found a suitable place for it! I'm sure a psychoanalyst would have a bloody field day wi that reasoning, however it did have a place before we moved the room about and since then I've never found a new one. I showed the kids his hand and foot prints and his wee but hair, I was hoping ti might make them understand a bit better, they also saw a photo of us with Alfie for the 1st time...how weird, Archie said why are you not normal mummy, I was all freaked out and said what do you mean love, thinking he was worried about how sad I looked - nope, he was just confused as to why I had long hair. Not sure if my intentions were a success or not, I'm sure that only time will tell. I feel so ambivalent about the whole issue, how to keep a dead brothers memory alive with kids who've never met him isn't easy - how to make it normal and not freak them out? Another mum balancing act I have yet to achieve!clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-31523323893598266472012-08-03T15:08:00.001-07:002012-08-05T14:58:59.065-07:00222-226 first, lasts - everything inbetweenWe have had a lovely week, with many first - the beginning of the lasts of the summer and a few everythings thrown in.<br />
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Sadie's been achieving many firsts - she has slept through the night in her own wee toddlers bed, had a number of 'dry' days and has survived her first day at nursery on her own. Quite a momentous week for a wee one.<br />
Nursery is going great, we all really like it and I feel comfortable leaving the kids there. I took mum and dad on monday to visit. Nursery needs to meet any people who will potentially be picking the kids up, this is a big move for us. Not so long ago I was unsure whether mum and dad would ever be involved in the kids care. As I left the wee ones for the first time I felt myself welling up, not because of myself, but because as I turned to leave I realised my dad had gone back inside, he was leading Sadie out by the hand he was confused and didn't understand she was staying. He did get it and let her go back in, on so many levels this made me emotional, primarily because he understood that she didn't ordinarily go to nursery but also because I knew he was the one usually watching her.<br />
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On a lighter note we went to visit at our lovely pals house on tuesday. The kids haven't been for ages and were really excited about visiting. Luckily it was a glorious day and most of it was spent in the garden.<br />
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Trampoline and water fights = happy kiddos.</div>
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We left with bags of stuff -as usual, I got 3 vintage dressing patterns, Archie a huge bag of clothes but best of all - TONS of Thomas track and buildings.....it has kept him and Pugs occupied ever since.</div>
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Madam was so happy from playing she just had to rest</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My fave thing about the day was when I came to get her changed for bed, she had 2 pairs of pants on! you can see a wee sneaky glimpse here of a pair she had 'borrowed' from one of the older kids.</td></tr>
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As the days move on I am becoming aware of the lasts of the summer, in a weeks time I will be returning to work. On some levels I am looking forward to teaching again, I miss the banter with the kids and the intellectual stimulation of teaching the seniors - I am however, saddened that summer is already gone. I had wanted to do so much, we still haven't had a visit to Cragie's nor Pillars.<br />
This time of year always makes me maudlin - as summer ends, fall begins and I move into Alfie time. This year I am going to give a talk at Sands AGM in Oct on the Tuesday club, it will be good to have a focus for him at this time of year.<br />
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Today was dads birthday. I am pretty sure he realised it was his day, Antony had been to visit already so when we also turned up with a cake and a song he seemed to have the routine down. It was a day of mixed emotion, on one level I am totally appreciative that my dad is alive and able to celebrate his birthday, however on another it is gutting that he isn't his usual self. I spent an hour last night traipsing round our limited shopping options starckly aware of our further limitations given my dad can't do any of the things he would normally - no point buying the failsafe novel (can't imagine ever chatting about the booker list again), he has lost his passion for music - what the hell else is left! I just got him some beers and sweeties, at least I know he will get some pleasure from them.<br />
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Made two dresses thsi week, ran 15K, baked, finished a pickles vest and made a bigger dent in the epic crocheted blanket.clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-78687018016785611952012-07-29T14:36:00.000-07:002012-08-05T15:00:12.072-07:00216-221 raw is the way??? HmmHaving had such an awesome time away with Antony and Kirsty and eating such lovely 'raw' food I thought I might give it a go. I have been trying to lose weight forever - I have succeeded since Sadie was born, up to a point. I seem to be stuck, I have been running as often as I can and I cut out carbs in my eve meal over a year ago. Pug has been suffering hellish headaches for ages and is working so hard at uni, this coupled with the recent stress we have all been under I figure both Pug and I could do with a wee boost.<br />
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It has been a long hard week, I was bloody starving for the first few days. Pug is still miserable. I discovered that A. I need to be super organised and B. I must never miss a meal. Today I made<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Raw brownies - awesome so yummy!!! and nae cooking.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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One of the things I've been missing is crackers. (I solved the latte issue by using Coconut milk). So I made these<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Happy crackers <a href="http://mynewroots.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/happy-crackers.html" target="_blank"> = Happy Clare</a></td></tr>
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The other big news is that I went to see Pugs play in his first Scottish gig - I hear him play on a daily basis.....sometimes too often! Punk Pug is not my fave one or so I thought. When we first met Pugs played acoustic guitar, he was really into flamenco and Django Reinhardt, a far cry from Black Flag!<br />
Anyhoo, I LOVED it, he was awesome - I was buzzing and I loved the music, must have seeped in subliminally over the last few months.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No bad for an old bloke!</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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My dad is making slow progress - I can see tiny tiny steps, although it is a case of one day at a time. I had lunch with him last week and I looked over at him adn almost burst into tears - where has my dad gone? I know he is in there but its a long way in and I am exhausted waiting for him, so god knows how my mum is coping.<br />
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The kids and I have had a fun week, we swam, walked, ran, made stuff, put up our new world map on the wall and on sat we went to a family fun day to raise money for Sands, run by pals of ours. It was such a lovely day and felt great to be surrounded by so many Sands parents all with babies and kids all in a good place. <br />
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My sewing has taken a back seat and I'm missing it, so tonight I cut out a skirt and a dress......so excited to make up and add to my now rapidly growing wardrobe.<br />
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Archie said something awesome tonight and I've bloody forgotten what it was, DUH! I must write things asap or my old tired brain forgets - Hmm the whole purpose of this blog.clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-66382968021421979042012-07-23T14:32:00.000-07:002012-08-05T14:59:28.552-07:00208-215 loch rannoch no more<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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scones, fires, walks, slugs, birds nests, BBQ, homemade gravadalx, cookies, swimming (Granda's 1st time since stroke), play park, woodpecker, bread, aga, movies, red squirrels, muddy puddles, tunnocks tea cakes on hikes, laughing, messy kids, wine, crochet,toasting marshmallows, midges, feeding birds,smiling wee ones, bedtime stories, playing in the loch, throwing stones................some highlights of our stay! happy days xxxclarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-10207653233143362972012-07-15T15:00:00.000-07:002012-08-05T15:00:33.177-07:00206-7 glorious<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Happy days, no matter the weather or the midges - kids are playing hard and sleeping hard...<br />
Plenty chocolate consumed, crocheting done and lots of outdoor fun.<br />
Gonna try running the morn.....wish me luck it aint easy running on forest tracks.clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-67162344405898772852012-07-13T15:28:00.002-07:002012-08-05T15:01:09.093-07:00203-5 - what a week - call Nurse nancyFinally, Finally the kids slept in their own beds from regular bedtime last night, since last sat we have been sharing with either one of them - then to finish it wed night we ended up all in bed watching 'underground Ernie' (my current earworm). We've got Susan Lambert to thank for that new current viewing obsession.<br />
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Yesterday we blew this Popsicle joint and spent the morning at Muddy Boots, weather not raining, not shining either. Kids were happy and Momo and Muma got coffee and scones. I think it may have been too much for Mini Haha - she took a huff<br />
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Today we had a lovely morning at the park with Jinty and Daniel - it was freezing, but we were out in the air, what a joy to be pushing the pram and blethering instead of stuck on the sofa.</div>
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The boyos played at farmers loading the bucket while Jinty got the teas in - everyone happy!</div>
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Off on our holidays the morn, a week sans Daddy....be nice to be away but we'll miss him!</div>clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-27526926014292004142012-07-10T17:07:00.000-07:002012-08-05T15:01:58.890-07:00201-2 Geordie Munro......ya dancerDad was back at Starks Park the night! Happy days, apparently he really enjoyed himself. I've no spoken to my mum properly, but I assuming she also had a nice few hours to herself.<br />
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Dad also went for a haircut today - alone. He instigated it and mum left him there. He then walked home alone and let himself into the house (closely followed Taggart stylee by mum and her pal).<br />
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TWO huge moments, so pleased that things are finally on the up.<br />
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I had my haircut a few days ago, a fringe and a bob. I thought it was quite stylish and although enroute to my desired style not a bad look. Until my darling husband said it was cute and it reminded him of the woman from babe Pig in the city! See above........hmmm think I might rethink how stylish it is.<br />
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Kids have been poorly, high temps sore throats generally unhappy household. Not much sleep going on at the right times, for the last 2 nights I've fallen asleep with Archie until 10ish, then been awake until 12-1am, then back up with them at 5.30am. To combat the hellish illness I've been soothing sewing, tonight I finished the wee bloomers and made another sorbetto (addiction), this time took pleat out the front and added a lace panel at the top. White black spotty cotton white lace, black bias tape - not tried it on yet as I fell out with machine at last minute so unhemmed she'll stay until I get another ridiculous frenzied sewing notion. Nice to have quiet time, just me and radio 4 accompanied by the whir of the machine..... until 4 hours from now I am woken by someone shouting Mama - Thank goodness for my darlings xxxclarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-56579130230483334842012-07-08T15:29:00.002-07:002012-07-08T15:30:04.698-07:00196-200 happy developmentsLots of good things happening this week (must keep reminding myself of that, cause lots of other not so good stuff happening too!).<br />
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Good stuff.<br />
1. Mum went out to the shops the other day alone and left my dad in the house......they both survived. A huge step for both of them, things are looking up.<br />
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2. Mum and dad went out for dinner last night with friends, my dad pointed to what he wanted on the menu. We can only assume he is reading well, as he chose 2 things we know he really likes and would have been a normal choice for him. Another big step, both on the communication front and on the life returning to some kind of normality.<br />
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3. Monica, the kids, Ants Kirsty and their kids and mum and dad and I are all going away for a wee break. The <a href="http://www.abade.co.uk/property_detail.asp?id=142" target="_blank">place</a> looks awesome, and isn't far away so mum and dad can come up for 2 nights...anymore is too much right now. I am so looking forward to all of us being together. I also have plans to crochet and make more of a dent in the granny sq blanket, eat (always a popular activity in our family - already bought a side of salmon to do a gravlax, inspired by our current love of all things scandi/nordic), run run run to compensate for the eat eat eating I will be doing. Best of all we are going to play play play, I bought a raincoat today - not something I ever thought I would do, I am clearly becoming middle aged and sensible...this rain coupled with our extensive park/walking with pram routine kinda demands one.<br />
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The kids and I have had load of fun this week, we are getting into a nice rhythm of being free and easy. We are much more confident going out and about the 3 of us together sans car or other responsible adult ( Archie and I are finding our way in terms of managing behaviour in shops phew! finally).<br />
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Bad stuff<br />
The crappy news is I have been rejected for a jobshare position at work. I have no idea why (well not true, I know fine well I don't fit the image of my work and as my track record re time off is piss poor the boss would drop kick my ass out the front door if he got a chance) - I should say official idea. Just a letter saying rejected. I can still go down to 3 days a week, however I won't get my 5 days back in 2 years time.....need to weigh up the pros and cons. Not sure how easy work will be knowing I'm persona non grata - social leper etc. The current ethos in the school is not really my cuppa so no love lost. So long as the kids are happy in my class, I have no major behaviour management issues and my exam classes are performing well, I'm cool with it. I will enjoy seeing the kids again and missing my girlie knitting club chats. Can't begin to think to far ahead right now, so will accept what universe has thrown at us once again and move graciously forward.<br />
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On the creative front - been sewing away. <a href="http://www.coletterie.com/colette-patterns-news/free-pattern-to-download-the-sorbetto-top" target="_blank">sorbetto</a> tops are becoming a favourite. Just got a new lisette pattern which will be being made this week. I also made some <a href="http://www.coletterie.com/colette-patterns-news/free-pattern-to-download-the-madeleine-mini-bloomers" target="_blank">bloomers</a>, a wee trial idea for a craft fair, cute. I made them in Chinese satin with mint green bows.<br />
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I also wanted to say a quick thanks so everyone who is reading and not commenting - I know who you are! My stats tell me ha ha. I had an awesome chat with an old pal last night who mentioned she'd be keeping up to date with our news. So thanks so all lurkers for taking the time to catch up on our lovely dads progress......we appreciate the love!clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-15196772916692984292012-07-03T14:32:00.000-07:002012-08-05T15:02:39.098-07:00193-195 happy holidays<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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double trouble on the double space hopper today at the park. I heard from various sources that today was to be the one 'good' day this week. So 1st thing this am the kids were kicked out into the garden, I made them eat breakfast out there at 8.30am......normally I keep them in a while longer, but today I wanted them to make the most of the lack of rain. It was so close and muggy today, yet no real sun. On the plus side - dull as hell, I managed to get washing done and dried.<br />
My lovely cousin Rosalin came for a visit at lunchtime - Archie went a but hyper due to attention (hmm like he doesn't get it from me!). Was lovely to see her playing with the wee ones.<br />
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My two are feeling loved up with mummy right now, they both keep playing at being baby cats and come meowing round my legs all day wanting mummy cat cuddles - too cute.<br />
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Lovely aft spent in the park with Barclay's bairnyard, great fun, good chat and lovely ladies xxx<br />
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Dad news = Archie tried to go out the back on sunday and dad said 'raining'. I asked him if he wanted some of his juice he said 'no, dinnae want it'. Some days I still feel in shock - and get a fright when I see him. Poor guy, xxxclarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-74664884268196763812012-06-30T14:52:00.001-07:002012-08-05T15:03:08.020-07:00189-192 Sadie strawberry sensation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My wee strawberry sweetheart turned TWO yesterday, we had a lovely party and I've spent all week making, sewing, baking and basically i've had enough of strawberries.......except Strawberry Sadie.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Blowing her candles out, her lovely GG in the background.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Archie got his own 'digger' cupcake - THANKS Marty.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grandma Granda cheering Sadie's candle blowing abilities.</td></tr>
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It was just lovely to see everyone, all the wee ones running around. So glad my dad could come, I had a strange underlying feeling all day someone was missing, and I can only think it was my before the stroke dad. Shit how is it possible to miss someone when they are in the same room as you. xxxxxxclarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-6232384395473748042012-06-26T14:34:00.000-07:002012-06-26T14:34:07.089-07:00186-88 it all starts with picking up a pen.....Dad picked up his pen and his newspaper and looked at his cryptic crossword - not that he was able to do any clues, but nevertheless the spark has been ignited. Another big step towards finding a way forward that brings satisfaction, happiness, quality of life and some pleasure and joy for all of us.<br />
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I have spent a considerable amount of time at mum and dads, mainly as company for mum and the kids are a great distraction for dad. His SOH has not diminished, if anything it has increased ( hmm I wonder if it is compensating, as one senses do when one fails?). Anyways on Sunday during the mad few hrs we had where I was #looking after' the kids, my dad and my gran aged 91 and her younger sister, Archie was playing in a wee cardboard box. He tipped over backwards an fell but was stuck in the box - my dad was beside himself with laughter, so good to hear.<br />
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We had another virtual meltdown today trying to locate the remote control for the tv, poor mum was stressing it would be stuck on cbeebies all night - I can understand her stress it isn't easy to tolerate high levels of mike the knight, kerwhizz, cloud babies etc, moreover the tv is a necessity for dad in the eve as he can't read anymore. No worries after looking everywhere, including, bin, fridge, bathroom cabinets etc - dad had it in his pocket!<br />
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All things strawberry has started heating up tonight, I started a garland, pug started the pinata and I did a wee crochet one too.......agh to all the cooking though, yikes better get my self organised.<br />
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<br />clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-62086971521257963862012-06-23T15:52:00.000-07:002012-06-23T15:52:00.870-07:00184-85 blauwn those cobwebs awayrunning 5k in headwind along the prom this afternoon has given me the lift I needed. It took me 40mins so no the best time but still meant guilt free chocolate tonight.<br />
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Popped int to mum and dads after the run and had a quick blether, Dad woke up and said 'what you being doin the day' - well he only actually said 'day' but i could tell from his intonation what he said. He also answered the phone today and said Hello. He put the toast in the toaster and made it himself. Biggest achievement is he went with mum tot eh flat, I really hope that will have settled that issue for him and mum won't have the daily battle of telling him it is all ok.<br />
Some of the menfolk came down to watch the fitba with him the night so mum got a wee night oot with the women, hope that makes her feel better too.<br />
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We are all feeling slightly better because both his SALT team said this week it is very early days, phew.<br />
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I spent this eve making these little guys for the teachers at nursery (as a way of erasing my mum fail reputation!)<br />
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Finally......still not found a childminder YIKES! if anyone reads this and knows of a childminder in my area please get in touch ASAP! beginning to get scared now.clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-80185287754514598912012-06-21T13:11:00.002-07:002012-06-21T13:11:19.485-07:00180-183 on the come down......Well it has sunk in that dad is home, it has also sunk in that he is really poorly. My beautiful dad, it is friggin heartbreaking seeing him. We all met up in M&S the other day, so strange to see him outside - and a total shock to system realising how out of it he was. Poor guy, he doesn't realise that he isn't himself. He tries to do all the stuff he would do normally, going to bank, leaving house on his own, climbing up ladder to attic, banking and business seem to be his main focus, he is clearly upset about not taking care of his business. He made mum drive him to petrol station the other night - he knows how awful she is about remembering to fill the tank. I am so sad for my mum, I so desperately want him to improve for everyone sake's........too painful. I miss my lovely dad.<br />
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Mean time, we are trying to keep buoyant, starting a schedule of care visits, to relieve mum and dad. Planning a little for the future - Momo and I are going with kids up north for a few nights in Jul ( what would I do without her??) , Sadie's party is only a week away, so loads of baking and eating yummy.<br />
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Kids are great and today's wet weather activity was painting a lovely card for Archie's teacher<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">finger painting</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">booty painting</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">thomas painting - the train!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">face painting.</td></tr>
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I did another huge mom fail today, I must admit it was one in a line of them.....last week we missed sports day as I didn't know it was on and I didn't have enough time to get to park, it was raining and I had Tuesday club. This week I turned up and the nursery show was on - poor Archie I had no idea so no grandparents to watch him with me, nor was he in smart clothes (hmmm quite the opposite) Anyways, he was non the wiser, he couldn't have cared less and said it was boring. Give him his due he did manage to sit still for 20mins although he never sang a word.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">stage debut- Johnny rotten t-shirt and soggy scarf.</td></tr>
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<br />clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-50827175628726296022012-06-17T14:26:00.001-07:002012-06-17T14:27:49.429-07:00175-179 a new kind of normalIt has been ages since I wrote a blog entry, last time I had such a big gap was just before dad has his stroke.<br />
I updated on fb the day he left hospital so I am guessing everyone was up to speed on his amazing return home.<br />
Since then he has had my mum's version of OT, which is making him do everything for himself and her. It is working, He managed to set the table correctly the 1st night, which is nothing short of miraculous for a guy who had 3 weeks previously tried to eat his soup with a fork. He is making the coffee (went straight to kitchen today and put kettle on as soon as we got in the door), setting the table, reading the paper - today he let mum know about an article about a TV show that Antony was filming. <br />
We had a crazy conversation about the weather and why we had gone to the zoo with the kids today in the rain (pretty good considering I can't really make out any actual words in his chat). We are all learning to have a new kind of normal, not just dad and mum but us as well. Archie had a great time doing a jigsaw with grandad this afternoon, I am happy just to watch them together. SO amazing to see dad so relaxed finally and mum back to her old self, she is just a remarkable woman. I always knew my mum and dad were a strong couple and pretty special folks, this recent hurdle has proved that once again. They are both an inspiration, so proud of how well my mum has handled the whole thing, she is fantastic.<br />
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We had a nice weekend, we visited the zoo for fathers day with our lovely pals and the beautiful baby Harris. I think Mini Haha thinks he is a living doll, even if he isn't a kick n the arse of her in height. She spent ages kissing him and stroking his hair - of course he lapped it up.<br />
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Doodle was a mini olympian this week, he seemed quite impressed by the whole thing, funny as he never shows much interest in sport at all. Mind you he does do his 'exercises' to get healthy with me and races me to nursery most days.<br />
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Every now and then the kids say something that tickles me so much I feel I have to record it for them to look back on, my current faves are Archie calling his big toe his 'thumb toe' and (don't ask) he was playing around with a metal hook and put it up his nose telling me he was the 'nose dentist'. I love the logic of his thinking.<br />
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Finally Sadie had a lovely wee lunch date with her sweet friend Violet, it is so nice for Mini to get some girl time - she can hold her own among the boys but some quiet Violet time is always welcomed.<br />
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Phew, only a few weeks to Mini's bday and I have tons to do. Finish a muslin for my dress, make the final dress. Make Mini's bday dress. Make the teachers a wee treat each, make some suitable strawberry things foe her party - better get some kip.clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2785267653272942804.post-61293706004317634112012-06-13T14:48:00.000-07:002012-06-17T14:28:16.342-07:00173-74 last night in captivityAlan is leaving the building - mum collecting him at 9.30am...Auntie Geraldine is going with her, I'm glad someone is.<br />
I am so exited about dad coming home - so so hoping he will recognise his own house. I was talking to my lovely friend Jenny today about it all. Douglas st has been our family home for about 36 years, 36 years of memories - parties, xmas', so much laughter, tears, a lifetime of memories - I did all my 'growing up' in that house - I will be gutted if dad doesn't know where he is or how he is central to what that house symbolises for us as a family. Even if he doesn't remember I really believe he will feel the love if not the memories.<br />
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A wee kid chat funny happened the other night that I forgot to record. I had my neighbours kids over for tea and as I served up the food I said 'dig in', Sophie commented that is what her grandad says. Sadie the said 'my grandad say do do do do' (WATC, now grandads theme tune).... if I didn't laugh I'd cry.<br />
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My other 'funny' re dads illness (not really sure what term to use, as he isn't actually ill as such). Mum and I were discussing his therapy timetable as an outpatient, and she mentioned that he has a group session on a Friday for aphasics - I never said to her but I keep giggling at the thought of a room full of folk who can't talk attempting to do a group peer support session.<br />
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I know I need to give them some room but I really want to run down there the morn afternoon and see them together in the hoose........no long now dad xxx<br />
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<br />clarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12892908525626265119noreply@blogger.com0