Our Alfie moto, Don't. cry because its over, smile because it happened.

Our Alfie moto, Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened.Dr Seuss

Sunday, 5 August 2012

227 + 228 stormy sunday

Yikes the rain today has been crazy,  stormy apocalyptic at one point. We were driving and Archie started chatting about badgers coming out.......realised it was because he thought it was night time, it was actually about the midday!

We had planned to go pick berries at Craigies after a wee trip to the carbootie, rain put paid to those plans, so we went to Ikea. We did manage a wee quick nip round the carboot first. Happy days, Archie got a wee polly pocket Thomas the tank equivalent, Sadie got an awesome senorita dressing up outfit with matching red and black polkadot shoes and I got 3 wee 60's storage tins and an amazing 50's 'arab' doll...with burka!

My dad has made a huge move forward, well I think so anyways - he went to the bank yesterday, yes it is still a regular occurrence, so much so the woman in the bank are now very much aware of the situation. Back to the point, Dad was asking the woman for something and she said sorry not sure  what you mean Mr Strachan can you write it down and he did! He wrote £60 debit on a bit paper and handed it to her. Phew, the 1st time since his stroke he has tried to communicate in writing - if we can get him to use this tool more often life would be so much easier for both him and mum. Most of the issues are due to him becoming irritated about not doing what he wants and poor mum getting upset trying to work out what he wants. I saw her in action again on fri and once again I am in awe of her love and commitment to my dad. Such an inspiration.....must remember that when I'm bitching at Pugs for no cleaning up the hoose!

Emotional storms tonight also, the kids and I had an unsettled bedtime. Every now and then Archie mentions Alfie and we have a wee chat. Tonight he was asking the usual questions - why did he die, did he get any food, will he come back, can I be his new brother etc...I thought I might let the pair of them see inside his memory box. The box sits next to my bed, not I may add for any sentimental reason, simply because I have never found a suitable place for it! I'm sure a psychoanalyst would have a bloody field day wi that reasoning, however it did have a place before we moved the room about and since then I've never found a new one. I showed the kids his hand and foot prints and his wee but hair, I was hoping ti might make them understand a bit better, they also saw a photo of us with Alfie for the 1st time...how weird, Archie said why are you not normal mummy, I was all freaked out and said what do you mean love, thinking he was worried about how sad I looked - nope, he was just confused as to why I had long hair. Not sure if my intentions were a success or not, I'm sure that only time will tell. I feel so ambivalent about the whole issue, how to keep a dead brothers memory alive with kids who've never met him isn't easy - how to make it normal and not freak them out? Another mum balancing act I have yet to achieve!

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