After Sunday's emotional eve and another hellish bedtime drama, both Archie and I were shattered and tense on monday morning - Yikes, not a good combo.
We went as has been our holiday routine to just kiddin - an ideal place for the kids to run around and for me to try and grab a cuppa and a blether with pals. Oh no, not today. Archie was nip nip nippy from getting up and by the time we reached JK he was high hyper hypedog! I caught him pushing a wee girl over on the bouncy castle, he got a row and was told to apologise - at which point some otehr mother said he'd been hitting two other kids. Phew, I should have read the signs and left- but no, overtired and tense I gave him a wee cuddle talked about behaving well and then stupidly encouraged him to go chase Oliver on the play structure, he went belting off and pushed his way past all the other kids, I could see he was grabbing Sadie to get her out the way and was enroute to try and diffuse sitch, when some woman shouted to one of the employees - "sort it out, that he's bullying all the other" bairns! Oh Oh Lady, you picked the wrong mum on the wrong day - It's his sister I'll deal with it......I then took Archie away - well grabbed him by arm and frogmarched him past all other tables of glaring mums (that is the response they wanted isn't it? I really wanted to hug him and say what's up wee man, how come your being so mean - its no like you), I shouted at the woman 'I think bullying is taking it a bit far' so not like me to be confrontational, but hackles up and hating anyone saying that about my boy I couldn't stop myself. I am the first to admit he is a wee nutter, he gets hugely overexcited and when tired can be nothing short of annoying, however Bullying at 3yrs old come one, he was pushing other kids not holding them up in a corner and punching them...... I cried when I got to my folks house, i hated my reaction to her and I hated that I let Archie down and didn't read the signs.....
So, today my wonderful pal Susan bundled us all in her car and drove us to Bee craigs country park - one word awesome.
Thanks Susan, your a star - xxx
Archie and I had a fascinating chat this am about where Alfie's skin was. He has obviously been thinking about it and made the connection that if he is dead an no longer here then his body must be somewhere. I explained to him about Alfie being buried, I take him to the grave regularly to leave flowers and tidy up but I have never explained in detail about Alfie's body......to be truthful it is something I struggled with initially. I can handle the dry bones idea - which is what I told Archie, however I do struggle with the decomp stage. For a long time I couldn't settle when there knowing he was underneath me......as I say the bones don't freak me out, so I am much easier with it now.
Archie seemed to be ok with our chat, poor guy I wonder how much time he spends dwelling on it and whether he is bothered by it or not, he seems pretty matter of fact about it all - wish I could say the same.
Oh Clare,
ReplyDeleteSuch beauty in acknowledging your wee Alfie and teaching your children about their precious brother, yet how damn unfair that this is the story they have to grow up knowing! ☹ For little Archie to have to consider these things, and wonder about where his brother is must be so hard, and make you feel incredibly sad, but I am of the opinion that you are teaching him about humanity and empathy, and he will be a better person from knowing and understanding about his brother.
We cremated Laurence, so one day I am going to have to explain about burning my son to my beautiful newborn, who is just a month old now, and tucked safely into my carrier as I write this. Talking about Laurence and acknowledging him will always be part of our family too, with the beautiful bits, and the ugly bits, because they are the truth. It's a choice we are making, and I wonder sometimes if it is selfish to be so determined to have Laurence as part of our family, and keep his memory alive. Is it too much for these little one, who journey with us afterwards? I have friends who already had children before they lost children, and they have had to explain and honour their child in ways that help heal the children who remain. We worry about the burden that is forced upon these children yet I believe that this is the right way forward and know that in honouring our children who have died, we teach the ones that are with us about the preciousness of life, the pain of loss and the strength of hope.
Hugs to you, and your little Archie. He has a great Mummy to help him understand all these complicated and heart wrenching things. xxxx