Our Alfie moto, Don't. cry because its over, smile because it happened.

Our Alfie moto, Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened.Dr Seuss

Monday, 17 January 2011

beloved child

The day before Alfie died - a sunday, Pug went down the town alone. When he came home he'd bought me a wee pressie, my 1st kokeshi doll. She is beautiful red and cream, very simple, hand carved and named 'beloved child'. I was so emotional when he gave it to me, we had been having a rough time in our relationship, he was over worked and i was nervously awaiting the birth of our 1st child and anxious about all that that entails.
How strange to think that within 24hrs of receiving the 'beloved child' our beloved child would be dead?

2 years later 'beloved child' is sitting on my desk at work and i use her in a lesson, i am telling the kids about kokeshi dolls and there significance re 1,000 paper cranes and Sadako Sasaki. I wonder if i will always feel the need to insert stories of my Alfie into my day to day life. I know the kids in school all know I lost my 1st baby and many have appreciated my candor and have come to me with similar stories of loss. I also feel it is good for children to be aware of lives frailty.


  1. <3 It is inspiring how you include Archie in your day to day life, how you can teach others about loss, love and survival and still stay so strong. I cant imagine how hard it must be to carry on and face up to societys ignorances and silly comments and still find the strength to help other people overcome these things along with your own grief. It is just shit! :/
    I always cry reading Lazy seamstress's blog. every time! I can be fine, right to the end and then one sentence, just a collection of a few words, steeped in emotion and grief just reduce me to sobs. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better, for all families who have been dealt such a cruel hand. hugs xxx

  2. Thanks Kelly......sometimes I wonder if I could wave a magic wand would I? I try to think that I wouldn't change anything and use my Alfie as a way to a better life. On the day Alfie died I remember saying to Pug we must find something positive or I won't be able to go on. We decided every night we'd think of a good thing that had happened that day - it was tough some days but we did manage. The 1st night we felt such love and support from our family, people rallied round and were there for us - that was our 1st positive.

    I have to look at Archie and Sadie and think without losing Alfie they wouldn't be with me.......enough said.