at a recent hairdressers appointment my lovely hairdresser who has been doing my hair for 40years....that in itself is scary! was telling the wee old lady next to me (it's a teeny old salon no music, just the one stylist) who was waiting on her taxi all about me. We discussed the usual kids stories, breastfeeding, weaning, birth etc - i was actually enjoying having a wee blether and for once i never mentioned Alfie (not because i was denying him, or ashamed - just didn't feel the need, i also thought this woman is from an era when infant loss SB was more common) however my hairdresser said "she lost her first baby" I'm thinking her we go - start the freak show, here's the woman who lost a baby. then she said " died inside her and the she had to have it" I almost screamed IT! he was my son, not some foreign object.........I know she was trying to be nice and not forget about that part of my life, she went on to say how amazing i am and how far I've come and all the stuff I do for sands etc - BUT big BUT it made me think, is that how everyone who hasn't lost a child thinks of our babies? Is that how i would feel if Alfie had survived and i heard about a SB baby?
so many unanswerable questions....
your blog is beautiful clare :)
ReplyDeleteI have a few friends who have experienced neonatal death or still birth, and often it is the insensitive, negative conotations in other peoples words that affect them the most! I have heard some awful things said to babyloss parents by ignorant people who just dont understand :( I dont claim to 'undertand' myself but I have tact and sensitivity and respect. Its good that you can see the positive behind this womans words. she meant what she said in the best way she knew how and her intentions were good. Maybe she thought not mentioning him would hurt you...
I think that you would like a friend of mines blog. Her blog name is lazy seamstress (I follow her so you can get to her through my profile). She is a remarkable lady and speaks with such raw emotion and insight. She lost her 5th baby Florence 6 hours after birth around about the time I had fraser. She often shares her experiences and I know a lot of babyloss parents follow her blog and find comfort in her words. hugs xx