Tuesday, 22 February 2011
I have been involved in attempting to increase the training at my local hospital. This is something that is so dear to my heart. I received excellent care when Alfie died 9minus the odd little thing), however care during my subsequent pregnancies was inconsistent to say the least. I feel strongly that although care at point of loss is important - follow on care is paramount. I have petitioned my local msp who along with an amazing woman who is a qualified midwife and counsellor, with the support and backing of sands to improve the CPD opportunities for midwives, consultants and clerical staff - I feel that hw one is cared for in next pg's is so important to the outcome of a successful pg and birthing experience. Losing a child makes one realise that we have little control over our lives - in this modern era we believe we can and should be able to control everything, alas when it come to life and death this isn't so. A bitter pill to be forced to swallow. This lack of control is scary and debilitating and for some unbelievable. Regaining that control is hard, however in a subsequent pg it is possible to gain some control. If one is supported by caring and responsive practitioners. I felt it was important to me to know everything, I went armed with notes and lists of questions - I needed to know exactly how things would go. I wanted (in opposition to my nature/previous desires) a totally controlled labor in a hospital setting with midwives I knew. I wanted my antenatal care from the same people (dispensing with the need to re tell Alfie's story at every appt ) I wanted to be treated with kids gloves, I was special I was a mum who had no child. Luckily due to me being a mouthy besom I got that both times, I felt as though I was running the show, my show, our show......the practitioners where facilitating our pg, not running it. During the subsequent pregnancies, I learnt too much about stillbirth, neonatal death, strepB, genetic anomalies I could go on and on - however I feel this coupled with my own experience make me an ideal candidate to train midwives, clearly I know nothing about legislation or actual technical midwifery, but I do know how it feels to carry and give birth to a dead child, to have to deal with the shock of faded dreams, to organise a funeral - I know from sharing 3 years worth of other womens experiences of how the coped and how they were treated what is the best for parents when they lose and child and are pregnant again..... so why am I being asked to simply deliver a 'parents story', why am I not being allowed to actually talk to the midwives, explain to them how it feels, what one wants and how one wants to be treated. We have been successful and the hospital have agreed that more training is required, however as mentioned above I'm doing the 'parents story', luckily I know the women who are delivering the training, so I'm going to stay for the day and hope that I can add something to the day - maybe at a Q&A. I want people to know that we are not all tragic broken women, that we can be a face of hope - that although strong one can still be vulnerable - the paradox of being a woman who has lost a child and has to be strong and yet has a broken heart. hmmm, more of a rant than I had anticipated and I've stopped and started so my apologies if I have lost my stream of consciousness.