Our Alfie moto, Don't. cry because its over, smile because it happened.

Our Alfie moto, Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened.Dr Seuss







Friday 20 April 2012

112- photos for dad

smiles for Granda

Archie and Peppa having lunch

cheesey market grin

sharing a ladybird
Today I started to take photos of the kids so I can take them for my dad, to stimualte his brain but also as a record of what we've been up to while he is on the ward. I'm still not sure if he recognises the kids or whether he just smiles because they are pretty cute kids - bias of course.

The Links Market is in town, so between visiting we ran down with the wee ones, they both loved it. Archie kept reaching forward on the ladybird and pulling the antenna, i later realised it was because Gaston from Ben and Holly is flown using antennae, he is clearly much smarter than i am.

These visiting times are pretty close together, I am going to have to learn to be more organised, I want to be able to get the wee ones their dinner and a cuddle before I go back out.....everything is so frantic right now, hoping by next week I can establish some routine.

Right over to the main event, Pops, today he had thickened water to drink which he did himself using his left hand - so good coordination and swallowing is improving.. He spent the whole day in a chair. At this aft visiting we took him his cards, we were told by salt to keep things simple and short, so I read him his name from the front of the card then said that's you dad, do you know that? His reaction was hysterical - he managed to communicate 'i'm no stupid Clare, I ken I'm Mr A Strachan' just by rolling his eyes, crinkling his nose and raising an eyebrow. I am so hoping he knows us. He isn't clear like that for very long so I forget and panic I imagined it or just willed it to have happened. He did however definitely move his right lower bottom leg and tried to stand up from his chair. He had a great reaction to mention of Champions league and his old pal Bill, the two had quite an interaction. So progress wise looking good. He also managed to sit upright in his chair for 5 mins tonight, another good sign.

Emotionally I am a wreck, I keep wanting to cry and most of the time I just do. It is hard however being in with the kids all day alone and having to keep a brave face on it. I collapsed into tears when I saw him at the hospital this afternoon, as I walked into his bay I saw him up in his chair and although good for him it is a shock to see him - every time at 3pm it is a shock, I have to take deep breaths in the waiting room before we go in, prepare myself for the reality of our new lives.

I got signed off for a week by the gp today and I have to go in monday morning to see him -  maybe by then I'll feel stronger? right now all I want is to spend every waking minute at that hospital, take my crochet, some food and camp out on the floor next to my dad - hell if we were in Spain I could! NHS much stricter on visiting than in Spain, I slept on a recliner next to Pug the whole time he was in hospital.

Lets see what tomorrow brings, I still tense every time the phone rings and panic about the future, its the greyness of the situation that is awful, the not knowing.

Love you dad, xxx




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